"The LORD is
close to the broken hearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit" - Psalm
34:18
First, I need
you to know that it is not unusual, new or strange that you have been
disappointed. You are not the first to experience this, nor will you be the
last. It is ‘natural’ for a human to be
hurt by another. I am not saying it is a good thing, but I am saying that it is
‘normal’. ‘Normal’ as in, it is a part
of the human nature. Hence, it should be
anticipated and avoided if possible. The bible says:
“The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives...” Jer17:9&10
I’m sure your
EX wasn’t some super dude. It takes being in God to do ‘good’. It takes the fear God (I mean ‘the original
fear of God’) not to hurt our neighbour, and to do unto others what we want to
be done to us.
Also I need
you to know this:
“...cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD....”
There is a
limit to which you should totally depend on people. Trust God only. Believe in
people. Mehn, ’man’ can change his mind any ticking time. God does not.
“God is not man that he should lie. He is not a human, that he should change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?’-Numbers 23:19
All I’m
saying is that you should give room for weaknesses. A person might or will
disappoint you. You are not perfect by
yourself. Those who inflict affliction on
others on purpose should be left in the hands of God for judgement. It’s the
sweetest way to deal with them. Always
put your ‘relationships’ before God and depend on God for wisdom. You need
plenty of it.
Jesus knows
how you feel. He was also broken hearted when he was despised and murdered by
the very same people he had come to die for. He was broken hearted when his bosom
friend, Judas betrayed him and sold him out.
However you
feel, whatever you feel: Pain, disappointment, betrayal, cheated, neglected,
abandoned, oppressed...He’s been there.
Try these
practical steps of managing and surviving a heart break. I hope they work for
you.
Express
If there is
the opportunity to express yourself, please do. I mean like, saying what’s on
your mind, breaking something (not on his head o)...you know. Let it be any of
his things, by the way. Not that it solves anything exactly, but it gives you
this ‘sigh’ feeling. It just gratifies
your flesh. But erm...I think it’s
better to walk away and leave the buffoon talking to himself or feeling bad- that’s
if his heart still works.
Cry
If you know
you don’t want to cry in front of him, cry on your way home. And, if you don’t
mind, cry when you are there. But don’t
wail or roll on the floor. Such behaviour won’t make him feel pity for you and
make up with you again. Nah! It would only make him feel more important. He’ll
feel like “gee, I’m indispensable”.
Go in and lock yourself in...
...and think
and cry some more. If need be. That’s if you are still pained and the tears won’t
stop streaming down. It depends on the
amount of damage that has been done to your heart and self esteem. Crying is
therapeutic. Seriously. Cry out ‘the buffoon and his chapter’ from your life
jare.
Don’t call in a pity party
I advice you
don’t call in the girls. The girls will hate the culprit instantly. Well, aside
from the ones who have always being jealous of you and are happy that you’ve
finally broken up with your guy and back to square one-with them. Be careful of such chameleons.
Let’s get back
to your true friends!
It depends on
your kind of friends, they might worsen the situation. They might come up with
ideas, like calling him up to curse him, sending him hate text messages or even
suggest going to his place to humiliate him or burn off his designer shirts
(Nice). Above all, girlfriends will
console you. And you know the kind of
talk that ensues in this type of situation is usually a reminder of the just ended
relationship and the guy. In short, you all
will be talking about him for a while and this will only make you more bitter
and miserable.
If you still can’t afford to be alone...
Probably, you
are having bad thoughts in your head, call in a very close friend or relative
who is wise and mature. Not someone who will say horrible things to compound
the issue at hand.
Turn to God. Cry at his feet.
Tell him all.
Tell him how you feel. If you are the ‘action woman’ type, tell him what you
would have loved to do to this ‘yeye’ dude or what you would love him to do on
your behalf. And leave it there...at his
feet.
Analyse.
Don’t shove it
aside just like that. No matter how
painful it may be. Check. Where did I go wrong? Did I see signs that this was coming and
ignored?
If you don’t
do this now, it may hunt you again and again in the future. Do the analysis now
while it is still fresh.
Pray.
Pray for you.
Pray for strength. Well, if you can pray for the buffoon, fine. If you can’t,
then pray for the grace to forgive him.
Do not let
this crisis go to waste in your life.
Let God take you through a journey. Let this be an opportunity for soul
searching. You’ll discover a lot. Learn a lot. You’ll become better.
Do something with the information that was conceived at the place of prayer and
meditation. Believe me, you can find purpose and self discovery there.
Forgive.
You seriously
need to forgive him. It depends on how soon you want to move on. And I advise that
you move on soon enough. That guy is probably on the move already. He’s moved on with his life- he is going to
work, hanging out with his friends and if he was also emotionally hurt, I
promise you, he’ll move on emotionally, soon enough. So why waste time? The
milk has been spilt.
Move on. Get on with your life.
As per emotionally,
move on steadily. Don’t run. Don’t rush.
Get up.
Get some lovely
clothes. In short, do a makeover. It will make you feel fresh. You will feel
good with yourself. It’s just an outward expression of what’s going on inside. You
are better. So, look better, feel better.
Do a course that will help improve you. You know, that has to do with your career or
something of interest to you.
Join a club;
health clubs, book club, social clubs, whatever.
Go out with
your girlfriends – at first.
When you feel
you are ready- date jo!
Babes, I tell
you,
You would be
better than the babe he left a while ago. You would be farther than where he
left you. You would be exuding beauty, wisdom, maturity-from the inside out.
You would have improved for you.
Babes, this
is the best form of vengeance you could ever get.
Lastly;
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”- Philipians4:6&7
