Her Men, Her Mind- Her MENtality II

Some of us women don’t know how to relate with men.  They don’t even know what to do with men. They don’t know how to communicate or live with them. So they just relate with them based on their past experiences.

They bank on the relationships they’ve had or how they’ve seen others relate with men and sometimes these people they emulate had sour relationships with the men in their lives. 

 These experiences could be what they’ve had with some man in their childhood (e. g a father), the (man) experience of someone close to them (e. g their mother) or what they’ve heard or learnt from society while growing up. And this reflects unconsciously in their behavior. 

Here are some unconscious ‘He’ views some of us women have about men and possible corrections:

You are not his mother

He probably doesn’t like to see you as that especially if he still has one. Also it is a minus for you because things could become unromantic since you have taken a motherly role. Remember guys don’t find their mothers attractive (in that way), but they do love, respect and honor them. Why don’t you just take the role of his woman (and ‘his wife’ when you are married) and enjoy the ride, that’s a handful already.

He is not your boy.   He can take care of himself- he is a man. Don’t spoil him.  Yes, we are helpmates (as females) but ‘help’ is relative.  Also remember that you are not a slave. The role is help, wife, partner, friend, mother to both your children, confidant… 

He is not your girlfriend

Save all the irrelevances and girlish shenanigans for your girlfriends. There’s a limit to which a man can take. If your idiosyncrasies are becoming too much he might begin to want to hang less around you. He might think he’ll lose himself or identity if he’s becoming too involved in your girly stuff and he begins to withdraw. Some men can’t just take it one bit. Understand the place of your man in your life and how to relate with him. Please don’t get me wrong. Be yourself but don’t expect him to be a ‘woman’ for you. 

He is not your toy

No man in his conscious self wants to be.

He is not your manipulative tool. He does not like to be used. If he is being used, babes, he won’t be pleased when he discovers. 

He is not a deity

Do not worship him. Some ladies are so scared of losing their man that they worship him. They are so afraid of him. They can’t be themselves around this man. They just want to keep him and not lose him. This doesn’t sound like a relationship. It sounds like a shrine where you are the devotee and he is the god. That’s dangerous.

He is not perfect

No matter how good you feel he is to you, he is not perfect by himself. If you are so demanding and unappreciative, he might feel he is not up to the task and leave.  He would believe he can’t please you so he heads out to look for someone who would appreciate and love him for he is and what he can give.

He is your man

Accept it.

He wants to be respected.

To be understood, accepted, loved and supported.

Shikena.

How to treat men: 2 wrong popular notions women have about men that men don’t like

HE IS NOT A CATCH (Finance)  

He doesn’t want to be treated like an object; he wants to be seen as a human being.

He is not your daddy. When you are both married, you can ask him to be daddy too.     Seriously he doesn’t want you to make it look so compulsory that he has to carry ALL your responsibilities. Let him make the choice. Or better still let him carry whatever amount of responsibility he can.

Here’s something from BARBARA De ANGELIS’ (Ph.D) book ‘SECRETS ABOUT MEN EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW’

Women Who Care Only About a Man’s Financial Status

MEN HATE FEELING USED OR EVALUATED FOR THE AMOUNT OF MONEY THEY HAVE

The only feeling I can compare it to is to how enraged women get when men use or evaluate us for how big our breasts are, or how perfect our bodies are.

WHY THIS TURNS MEN OFF

Men already walk around feeling pressured to perform. When a woman judges a man purely on his ability to receive financial rewards, he feels totally unappreciated for who he is inside. This lack of emotional safety with a woman is a definite turn- off.

WHY WOMEN DO THIS

 Women look at men as “walking bank statements” when:

§  They look at a man as a “catch” rather than as a human being

§  They feel they cannot take care of themselves, and must depend on a man to take care of them

§  They define themselves based on what other people think of the man they “got”, rather than on who they are as people.

THE SOLUTION

IF YOU WANT MEN TO LOVE YOU FOR WHAT’S INSIDE YOU AND NOT JUST WHAT THEY SEE ON THE OUTSIDE, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO DO THE SAME FOR THEM

In other words, stop evaluating men by their level of success and take a look at the kind of human being they are. There are millions of wonderful, loving, single men who are being overlooked by women because they don’t own a fancy car or have a prestigious job or wear flashy clothes. What they have to offer you is much more valuable- sensitivity, fidelity, friendship and real love.

HE IS NOT A SEX OBJECT (Sex)

Men know when you are trying to use your body to get their attention. A lot of men respond to this but they don’t respect a woman like that.

It is actually a sexual turn off for men when you try to manipulate them sexually.   You won’t be taken seriously. Your body is not a sexual bait and you are not a fish that you want him to catch.

Some young girl you know might have been lucky doing this but if you are an unmarried older lady, you might want to reevaluate.  Please leave this stunt for the very young girls.

Men are not stupid. They know when a woman is manipulating them with her sexuality.

In a report, most men revealed that this kind of behavior often turned them on sexually but turned them off emotionally.

More from BARBARA’s book:

Men know that women are aware of men’s sexual vulnerability and how easy it is for them to become physically aroused. Therefore, they resent it when you use this against them, and they end up resenting their own body for responding without their consent. They feel controlled and overpowered, and this turns them off.

WHY WOMEN DO THIS

We use our sexuality to manipulate men because we feel powerless. For a long time in our society, sex was the only power women had over men. We had no political power, no economic power, and learned to use sex to get what we wanted. We used it to attract a man, to steal him away from another woman, to get him to take care of us, and hopefully, to keep him around.  It makes me so sad to see women still behaving as if their only option to feel powerful is to use their sexuality.

The problem with this kind of manipulative behavior is that it works - it works so well that women become trapped in a role they can’t escape from. Men don’t respect you, and you don’t respect yourself.

THE SOLUTION

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A SEX OBJECT, DON’T ACT LIKE ONE, AND DON’T TREAT MEN LIKE ONE

Take an honest look at your behavior around men. Ask yourself if you are hiding the real you behind your sexuality. Try just acting like a person and not a ‘woman’. You may not know what that means until you practice it for a while.

Extracts from the book ‘SECRETS ABOUT MEN EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW’ BARBARA De ANGELIS’ (Ph.D).

Overcoming marital delay- Having eyes that see good

Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters,  and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.  Jeremiah 17: 7 & 8

To have eyes that see good is a function of being able to trust God completely.  To see good in our lives no matter the circumstances that ensues and no matter what occurs in our environment. The bible says that as children of God:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8: 28

The problem is not that there is a lack or non availability but ‘not been able to receive from God’. That is to assimilate, to understand and accept. Let’s allow our hearts communicate to us.  Align yourself to receive.

Let God work on your mind, your mentality.

Let his spirit communicate with your spirit.

It’s not what you presume or assume that is the correct thing.

Trusting completely in God alone will take the scale off your eyes and help pull down contrary thought patterns and imaginations. Then you’ll see that you don’t lack, it’s just that you didn’t see good in the provision around you.

If only we could see the good in others and the things around us, then we would be able to recognize our blessings on time.

Overcoming marital delay: Removing mental blocks

“But although the world was made through him, the world didn’t recognize him when he came. Even in his own land and among his own people, he was not accepted.” John1:10

  

Why couldn’t they receive?

They could not receive because they did not accept. They refused to accept because they could not recognize.

Why can’t they recognize?

They were not able to recognize because he did not look like what they thought he would look like although he manifested all the long time predictions. They had a prejudged thought about who the messiah is or how he should look.  Just like we always have a picture of what we want, who we think we need…

There had long been the ‘word’ that he would come, about who he was and what he’ll do. And when he came, he didn’t look like what they had expected- they thought. But he was who he was and he gave them signs-wonderful unexplainable signs- and there was a confirmation from brother John the Baptist. 

“John pointed out to the people, He shouted to the crowds, “This is the one I was talking about when I said, ‘someone is coming who is far greater than I am, for he existed long before I DID.” John 1:15

Sometimes when he spoke, their hearts would burn and witness. But why wouldn’t they accept that here he is? Right there before their very own eyes was the messiah, that whom they’ve been expecting and it was time they received him.

 

He was all they needed. He had life... He gives light.

But yet their mental experiences would not conform to what their burning hearts told them.  Their preconceived thoughts and own expectation blocked their ability to recognize and embrace the messiah.

We shall not miss our ‘blessing’ in its time of visitation, In Jesus Name,  Amen. 

Our heads and emotions will not get in the way of our recognizing the good gift that God has brought our way even when we think it’s too good to be true or that we don’t deserve it. God loves us and would only give us the best. Matthew 7:11 says:

"If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him”

If he did not withhold his only son from us how much more would he give us all things- according to his will for our lives.

“What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God be for us, who can ever be against us? Since God did not spare even his own son but gave him up for us all, won’t God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?" Romans8:31-32

Let’s flush out predetermined thoughts from our hearts and minds, for that is why we cannot see or receive.

Always remember that:

When he gives, his gift is perfect.  It is without sorrow.

“The blessing of the Lord makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.” Proverbs10:22

Ask him to open your eyes and you’ll see that which he’s saying and what he’s given. Stick with the Holy Spirit. Let him help and counsel you. He’ll confirm what needs to be confirmed. 

This year is still it babes. 

Probably if you looked around intensely, you’ll discover God had answered your prayer tey tey. Look again.