Daddy was first to break Juliet’s heart and not Romeo

For some of us women, our first love was our father, but at one point, we lost that love and have ever since been disappointed.  Also, for most women, that so called first or major heartbreak is not the first.  Our first could have been the one that was caused by our fathers.  As little girls we saw our daddy as a man who would do anything for us, a man who would always be there and a man who would never hurt us.   So, when daddy disappoints, disappears or disengages, we lose that trust we have in a ‘Man’.

I was very close to my dad when I was a little girl. I was closer to him than I was close to my mum. I was so close to him that it made my mom jealous and she worried that I might not ever be close to her.  My dad and I used to go on outings together and we would wear the same attire and his friends would call me his girlfriend.  We used to have debates and my favorite topic was ‘women are better than men’.   We also used to fight (wrestling) together and I would win most times (lol).     

I still remember the very first day I told my father ‘I loved him’ and he responded that ‘he loved me too’.

Things changed when my father brought in a second wife without giving us a prior notice.   I remember her standing on one side of our parlor, well dressed, with my first half brother in her hands and she had this ‘what y’all gonna do about it’ look on her face.  And there was my dad’s elder brother talking to my mom, trying to make sure things do not go crazy.   In the middle of all these, my dad was nowhere to be found.  I also remember that, that event and the aftermath deeply affected my life- it really cut down my self esteem.  This affected other aspects of my life especially my education. I battled with low self esteem for so many years.  It took the Word of God to help me heal.

It didn’t stop there. Years later, another wicked ijebu woman (another wife) was brought into our home and she went too far to try to destroy our home. That and the fact that my father’s family members and his wives kept disrespecting my mom right before our eyes – the children was the peak for me.

I believed all these were my father’s fault. He didn’t love us, I thought. His family meant nothing to him, his wife (my mom) didn’t mean anything to him and I, Esther, his first daughter, did not mean anything to him for him to have taken all those steps.

Hence I switched off. I went as far as I could from him- in my heart and in the physical. I mean we lived in the same house for years but things were never like it was before between us. And I didn’t know that hatred was growing in my heart. Things went cold between us.  

Things got better in our family but I couldn’t just help still blaming him for everything. Whenever we tried to have a daughter/father talk, it always didn’t end well and I would blame him for everything.

When I had my first and major heartbreak, I was really broken so I took some time out to deal with it.  I shut the world out and cried and had several conversations with my heart and then majorly to God.  

This caused a huge turn around in my life.

Because I was so broken and disappointed that it was beginning to appear this was more than a guy telling me he was no more interested in me and whatever other word he told me that I thought was wicked.

The Lord opened my eyes to some things from my past.  He took me back to my childhood and he revealed to me the thoughts and inhibitions I had kept in my heart that my physical self was not aware of.   One of them was that because of the disappointments I had with my father, I was very much afraid of a heart break so I got into my first relationship really late in my life. And when I did I was behaving (in that relationship) like whatever happened before should not happen again. I was afraid- and it did happen cos what you fear would most likely come upon you.  

The Lord showed me a lot and told me a lot. And that was the beginning of a revival in my life.  Even this blog came out of that period.  He instructed me to start it and I thought I couldn’t do it. I wanted to minister to young girls but he insisted it has to be older ladies and then I closed my young girl’s blog and opened this one.

Like I said, I used to have issues with my father and they came up whenever he said or did something that reminded me of his past mistakes. I would get angry and avoid him.

All that changed when the Lord spoke to me one morning, when we were talking.  He corrected me, and showed me what it means to honor one's parent irrespective of who they are and what they’ve done.

He asked me to stop judging my father- irrespective of what he has done. He told me he didn’t hurt me on purpose and he didn’t think his actions would affect me this much. The Lord opened my eyes to see the good in my father. And truly, I saw that my father is a good man. I may think he may not have scored so well as a father or a husband but he is a good man.  He wouldn’t delight in destroying his own family with his own hands.  The Lord then asked me ‘if my father had abused me as a child?’ ‘Did he ever beat you mercilessly and chased you out of his house?’ “Has he cursed you before or tried to sell you to prostitution?”

“No”, I answered. Then the Lord said even if he did all these, you would still have to forgive your father. To live in unforgiveness is your loss.

This is God here. I had to obey immediately. By his grace I repented and did all he’s asked me to do and my life has become better since then.

I had to stop harboring things in my heart about my dad. I had to let go of memories of things I thought he did that hurt me so much.

Also, I had to really show that I love him and take steps and actions (I learnt this from Joice Meyer).  For example, I had to stop taking sides with my mom or joining any member of the family in talking about my dad in a negative light (jokingly or seriously) or gossiping about him.  I even went as far as writing a confession about how I honor my father and how I love him. I eventually did this for both my parents. I love my mum but I want to love her with the love of God.  This and many more the Lord led me to do.

I had to truly love him from the bottom of my heart. Indeed I love my dad. And I see that he truly cares about me, my well being. You see, the devil wants you to dishonor your parents in your heart and with your mouth and actions so he can gain entrance to mess up your life.

There are some things we do to our parents that indirectly affect our lives.

The Lord made me understand that it is the way we react to our daddies that we will deal with our man - even if he is a good man.

We have to be careful as women.

If you’ve had daddy issues, little or major, you have to go back and make it right.

For some of us, our fathers are trying to make things right, trying to change their ways. Instead, we shift our noses at these gestures and don’t accept their repentance in our heart even though we try to show that we accept on the outside.

That’s how you are going to be with your husband when he’s trying to make amends when he’s gone wrong.  If you keep going like this, that is if you keep being non-responding, you might lose him.

Some women are already treating their husband like he’s their daddy. Making him pay for what their daddy did to them.  It could be something deep and it could be something small but unknowingly to them, they are reacting to their husband like he were their daddy. 

These are errors that you can’t see with your naked eyes and can’t perceive with your natural senses. But when you go to the Lord pleading the blood, he will open your eyes and show you.   He wouldn’t stop there but would also show you how to untangle yourself from this thing and make you walk free and clean. 

You need to go to the Lord and let him heal you. Go in the blood, go on your knees and talk to him like he is just there sitting beside you- cos HE is. He is in you- if you are a Christian (John 4:4).  HE is your father and he cares for you. By the way HE knows everything and HE sees everything. HE sees your heart. (Read Jeremiah 17:9-10; Romans 8:27; Psalm 44:21; Daniel 2:22). Why don’t you just tell him how you truly feel?  Expose the wound to him and let him touch you with his everlasting healing hands and heal you. I promise you, you will not stand up from that place the same one who knelt. 

If you are reading this and you are not a Christian and would like to deal with this issue, you need to give your life to Christ. You need to because it will only take the Christ in you to be able to completely forgive another human and walk in love- the God kind of love.   You can’t successfully walk in love without help from God. And he has sent help- Help is Christ. That’s all the help we need. This issue may probably be holding back things from happening in your life. You don’t have to go make sacrifices in a shrine or conjure some spirits to fight for you. It is simple- forgive and walk in love. But it is simple in Christ. He will make it simple. He will enable you. He will let you lose of whatever is holding you back due to these past occurrences even though it was never your fault- as you think. Please pray this prayer:

“Dear heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus. 

Your word says “he that comes to me I will by no chance cast out”.

So I know you won’t cast me out. 

You said in your word that “anyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Acts 2:31).

I ask that you save and deliver me now.

I confess my sins to you right now. 

I accept and confess Christ Jesus as my Lord and Savior. 

Henceforth it is not my life I live anymore but yours-the life of Christ, the God life”.

Amen.

Congratulations.

Do join a bible believing church so you can be taught the word of God. You need to know the word so you can be it and live it.  When you join the church, you can approach a leader and tell them you want to be baptized in the Holy Ghost.  You need the Holy Ghost to live a successful Christian life here on earth.

I advise that for the next six months, you don’t join in any church activity but that you go to church for service only and sit and listen to the word.  That’s what you need now so you can be well founded in Christ.  Read John 14: 16-18 and John 14: 26.

Love you Sis.

See you tomorrow.