Motherous Intentions

Image courtesy https://motheringinthelongnow.wordpress.com/

One day, I was on my knees praying for myself when the Lord laid upon my heart about my attitude towards my father.  I thought I loved him very much. I thought I had forgiven him for the rough times we went through (I thought it was his entire fault since he is the head of the home and should have set things straight).  The Lord showed me that deep within my heart, I still had a bad attitude towards him.

I then got a clear warning in my spirit that no matter how spiritual I say I am, the way I treat my father is the way I would treat my husband.
Also no matter whatever I claim my father has done or let happen, I will take vengeance on my husband especially unknowingly.  Your husband will be ‘man’ and man is liable to make mistakes. Yes your husband will be different just as you always claim but whenever he makes a mistake that looks like something from your past, you will react to him exactly how you would have liked to react to your father.

I battled with this thought. 

I saw that I have been involved in a battle that was not mine. I have somehow minded a longtime tussle between my parents about who betrayed who, and who hurt the most. I have been on my mother’s side and I’ve claimed it’s because of the many occurrences and proofs I had seen. I approved every story she told, recalled occurrences with her, and passed judgment immediately!  We held pity parties now and then but left her the way she is- Hurt, unable to forget and struggling with forgiveness. 

We should be careful about what information and counsel we get from our mothers. Our mothers love us and want the best for us but what’s really best is counsel that’s in line with God’s word for our lives.

Nothing extraordinarily good might come out of a bitter frustrated mother who has gone through different circumstances to raise her kids and keep herself alive.

Mothers always tend to pass down their bitterness to their daughters unknowingly. To them, they are only expressing themselves, sharing how they feel to you whereas they are also passing over thoughts and legacy. The more you hear stories of how your father didn’t treat her right, the more you will begin to think about men in this light and accept that this is the status quo.

Marriage is your play-out time, your time at your parents was the incubation period. You really didn’t have the courage or conviction to really express yourself and display how you really feel and you are also angry about this. When you are married, any hint of behavior/occurrences from past experiences from your husband will tick you off.  You will not take any ‘rubbish’ from him.

So, a woman has to be careful what memories, experiences, thoughts, and ideas she is bringing into her marriage.  All expectations should not just be placed on the man alone to be a good husband; we should also strive to be good wives from inside out- before and during marriage.  We keep looking for a ‘good’ man who would make a good husband, but are we good women who will make good wives?

For us women, it’s not only about our present actions but our dispositions, our current baggage.  

What are we bringing into marriage?

Are we dropping off every negative idea we’ve learnt about men and marriage while growing up?  Are we turning our back to experiences we were exposed to at our parents?  Do we recognize and desist from behaviors that we shouldn’t take in to the next phase of our lives?

You should be careful how you get involved in your parents battles. Apply wisdom. Do not be in a hurry to judge.  Hear from both sides first. Try to be an ambassador of peace no matter what has occurred between your parents. Even if one side is at fault, take the place of a mediator and try to help the hurting party heal.  Do not join in the hate against your father who probably truly did your mum (and u) wrong.  Do not join your mum in speaking ill of your father. And when she does, try to stop her from having that talk again.

You are a woman and will own your home someday. No matter how much damage has been done due to your father’s negligence, contribute to the building of your family. Do not sow words or actions of discord alongside your mother into her home or against her husband.  You were really not there at the beginning of their love life.  You didn’t witness some events first hand.  You can only know of stories recounted to you by your parents especially your mother.

Do not let your mother’s bitterness become yours. Don’t let her pass down a negative legacy to you.

The way these thoughts are passed down to you can be likened to the way a mother bird passes down food to her little baby birds. The mother bird finds food and puts it (with its beak) straight into the waiting open mouth of its baby birds.

We have this kind of connection with our mothers because we are both women and most times we can feel what they feel especially when they are emotional. No child wants their mother to hurt. We can help them deal with it by helping find ways for the wounds to heal, for them to forget and not by rehearsing the past events in our minds by talking about it again and again.

Instead talk about the triumph. Talk about how God has kept her and her children. Talk about the accomplishments God has caused in your life through her.  How she is a strong woman.  How God is good to her and despite all she’s been through that she is still sane and alive.  Talk about forgiveness and forgetting and how whoever has hurt her did not know what they were doing.  Step up higher and talk about God’s forgiveness and mercy.