The fear of a reoccurring unpleasant experience: how to deal with it.

Then the Lord told him (Moses), “Make a replica of a poisonous snake and attach it to the top of a pole. Those who are bitten will live if they simply look at it!” So Moses made a snake out of bronze and attached it to the top of a pole. Whenever those who were bitten looked at the bronze snake, they recovered! Numbers 21:8 & 9 NLT

And as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so I, the son of man, must be lifted up on a pole, so that everyone who believes in me will have eternal life. John 3:14 & 15 NLT

Some of us are so worried and afraid about an unpleasant situation of the past reoccurring in our lives. An example is the fear of having an unhappy marriage or marital experience like our parents had- if it were so.  

This is another trap of the enemy.  Remember, fear can never produce anything good.  The bible says “… the just shall live by faith” (Hebrews 10:38a / Habakkuk2:4b).   If fear is the opposite of faith and faith brings life then fear only brings death.  And fear of the past repeating itself in your life will only make it happen. Remember what Job said when calamity befell him.  He said:

What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come to be. Job 3:25 NLT

That you fear it means you already give it power and authority over you.

Focus instead on the love of God, his grace and mercy – focus on Jesus to be precise, just as our open texts above indicate.  Stop focusing on the fact that the issue you fear might re-occur.  Dear, understand the love of God for you, he is your father.

He says in Matthew 7:11 that:

If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him. (NLT)

And James 1:17a that:

Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven’s lights… NLT  

He is a good God.  He does good and gives good.  He’s your father and he definitely wants you to have best. He wants you to have a good marriage and not a re-establishment of the past situation.

It is possible that history repeats itself, but this could be averted.  It is up to you to not to allow this unwanted occurrence from your past reappear in your life - ever.

Here’s how to deal with it:

Focus on the word, his promise to you.  The word, his promise, is more powerful and concrete than your past, than what you are afraid of.

Fear is of the enemy.   He is using the fear to tie you down to the past, to connect you with the issue so he can reconnect it to your present.

1John 4:18 says “…perfect love expels all fear.”

 

Believe and accept how much God loves you and dispel all taunts of the enemy.

 

When you focus on the WORD, you will not just be healed but also you will not be bitten or struck again.  This is a sure guarantee. But when you focus on the snake/ the issue, you become afraid, desperate, confused, and powerless and then it comes to bite/afflict you again.

 

Behold and believe.  If you behold and believe the finished work of Christ in your life, you will not perish but have life. You will not perish but have a whole new different future.

For God so loved the world that he his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

You are saved. You have been saved from all that.

God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it. John 3: 17 NLT

You have been saved, healed and delivered.

 

Focus on Jesus on the throne for as he is so you are in this world- 1John4:17

And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgement, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world.  1John 4: 17

He has been elevated above all power, ruler or authority or anything else in this world or in the world to come- i.e the future that you are afraid of - and you have been elevated with him!  

I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honour at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else in this world or in the world to come. Ephesians1:19- 21.

Also he is victorious, glorious, powerful, honourable, blessed, wise, strong and rich (Revelations 5:12); so are you.

Introduction

I insist that in most cases, marital delay or early marital problems is more of a function of a psychological issue than a spiritual or behavioral one.

A ring and a very white wedding gown will not bring solutions to a woman’s very personal problems. It will not make her a better woman nor cause a personal change.

We should stop wasting our time, stop wasting holy water, stop spending money on spiritualists, stop manipulating, stop frustrating our lovely new husband, stop disturbing pastor to keep praying…

The issue is within and the root is behind- in the past.

Let’s look at the past

Let’s take a journey into your innermost

One has to give- your baggage or you…

It is the mindset we attack and not the person. The mind set is a mind that is set- that way.  What we tackle is more like a strong hold i.e it holds strongly. 

We’ll loosen its grip and cast it down and out.

Our end result is a better woman and a ‘wife’ in its trueness.

Join me for 5 days as we tackle ‘the bleak past’, ‘fear’, ‘wrong thoughts’, ‘wrong affiliations’ and ‘bitterness’ and ‘unforgiveness’.

Below is our first post titled 'The Bleak Past'. Be Blessed!

 Esther

The Bleak Past

Do not fear anything except the LORD almighty. He alone is the Holy one. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe…Isaiah8:13-14 (NLT)

"Face your fear to phase out the fear."

Bishop Abioye

Face and deal with your giant past in order to embrace, enjoy and collect your present which is a gift.

A past of disappointments, shame and regrets could affect your relationships, well being, marriage, or continue to determine your marital status as long as it affects your mental state.

A bleak past is like a giant that every now and then shouts down your defenses.  It makes you want to hide and cry.  A bleak past can continue to challenge your existence.

How do you deal with your past especially if it haunts you or follows you around like a shadow?

You deal with the past by facing it.  You need to tackle it head on so as to overcome it.

I was exposed to too much jealousy, backbiting, fighting, and quarreling while growing up.  And this is because I grew up in a polygamous family and had a fierce extended family on my father’s side.  The happy times I remember are less than the trouble times I remember. There were too many internal fights and intrusions from extended family.  I experienced too many disappointments than I could bear.

All these made me first, a very defensive girl and have a dislike for a particular tribe.  Even though I never said it, I had sworn to myself that I would not marry from that tribe and I had already schemed in my head of what I would do to avoid experiencing polygamy myself.

I hated polygamy with a passion and swore that my children would never smell it and that no man will ever treat me the way I saw my mother being treated.  But the remedy is not just swearing to myself but it is to face and deal with this bleak past that consistently hurt and hunt me.

I had to deal with the wrong notions I’ve had about men, marriage and men from that particular tribe. I had to deal with the fear of getting married and being disappointed.

It’s being a long spiritual and psychological journey but I am thankful to God that I am a better woman.  And one more thing I am always thankful about is that I didn’t get married soon enough.  I know it would have been extra rough and I would probably have been out.  The word and the spirit of God have done a thorough job on me.

Well, that’s my story. May be yours is different but whatever it is that you experienced in the past, understand it’s over.  You are not that timid victim child anymore.   So let it be over in your mind.

 

Lock yourself up today and recall your past.

Face it!  Stop romancing it and letting it control your present.

Thank God for you are still here. Your past should not define you or control you.  You can have a better life, better than your earlier years.

Detach from it and start a new life.

Talk to it -you can.

Make peace with yourself.

Forgive who you need to forgive.  Dear, Forgive 77 times.

You should know better if you are a Christian and if you are not a Christian and you are still blaming and cursing. Have you been perfect yourself?

Some people carry these things into old age, even into the grave. You don’t need to.  Deal with it now.

The father loves and that’s why he came down as Jesus to reach out to you.  Jesus offers better. Embrace his love, mercy and finished work of the cross.

If indeed, you want to invite Jesus in to your life. Please pray this prayer:

“Dear heavenly Father, I come to you in the name of Jesus. 

Your word says “he that comes to me I will by no chance cast out”.

So I know you won’t cast me out. 

You said in your word that “anyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Acts 2:31).

I ask that you save and deliver me now.

I confess my sins to you right now. 

I accept and confess Christ Jesus as my Lord and Savior. 

Henceforth it is not my life I live anymore but yours-the life of Christ, the God life”.

Amen.