Saturday, November 12, 2011

Managing a heart break; this should work


"The LORD is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit" - Psalm 34:18


First, I need you to know that it is not unusual, new or strange that you have been disappointed. You are not the first to experience this, nor will you be the last.  It is ‘natural’ for a human to be hurt by another. I am not saying it is a good thing, but I am saying that it is ‘normal’.  ‘Normal’ as in, it is a part of the human nature.  Hence, it should be anticipated and avoided if possible. The bible says:

“The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I know! I the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives...” Jer17:9&10

I’m sure your EX wasn’t some super dude. It takes being in God to do ‘good’.  It takes the fear God (I mean ‘the original fear of God’) not to hurt our neighbour, and to do unto others what we want to be done to us.

Also I need you to know this:

“...cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the LORD....”

There is a limit to which you should totally depend on people. Trust God only. Believe in people. Mehn, ’man’ can change his mind any ticking time. God does not.

“God is not man that he should lie. He is not a human, that he should change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?’-Numbers 23:19

All I’m saying is that you should give room for weaknesses. A person might or will disappoint you.  You are not perfect by yourself.  Those who inflict affliction on others on purpose should be left in the hands of God for judgement. It’s the sweetest way to deal with them.  Always put your ‘relationships’ before God and depend on God for wisdom. You need plenty of it.

Jesus knows how you feel. He was also broken hearted when he was despised and murdered by the very same people he had come to die for. He was broken hearted when his bosom friend, Judas betrayed him and sold him out. 


However you feel, whatever you feel: Pain, disappointment, betrayal, cheated, neglected, abandoned, oppressed...He’s been there.


Try these practical steps of managing and surviving a heart break. I hope they work for you.


Express
If there is the opportunity to express yourself, please do. I mean like, saying what’s on your mind, breaking something (not on his head o)...you know. Let it be any of his things, by the way. Not that it solves anything exactly, but it gives you this ‘sigh’ feeling.  It just gratifies your flesh.  But erm...I think it’s better to walk away and leave the buffoon talking to himself or feeling bad- that’s if his heart still works. 


Cry
If you know you don’t want to cry in front of him, cry on your way home. And, if you don’t mind, cry when you are there.  But don’t wail or roll on the floor. Such behaviour won’t make him feel pity for you and make up with you again. Nah! It would only make him feel more important. He’ll feel like “gee, I’m indispensable”.


Go in and lock yourself in...
...and think and cry some more. If need be. That’s if you are still pained and the tears won’t stop streaming down.  It depends on the amount of damage that has been done to your heart and self esteem. Crying is therapeutic. Seriously. Cry out ‘the buffoon and his chapter’ from your life jare.


Don’t call in a pity party
I advice you don’t call in the girls. The girls will hate the culprit instantly. Well, aside from the ones who have always being jealous of you and are happy that you’ve finally broken up with your guy and back to square one-with them.  Be careful of such chameleons.

Let’s get back to your true friends!

It depends on your kind of friends, they might worsen the situation. They might come up with ideas, like calling him up to curse him, sending him hate text messages or even suggest going to his place to humiliate him or burn off his designer shirts (Nice).  Above all, girlfriends will console you.  And you know the kind of talk that ensues in this type of situation is usually a reminder of the just ended relationship and the guy.  In short, you all will be talking about him for a while and this will only make you more bitter and miserable.


If you still can’t afford to be alone...
Probably, you are having bad thoughts in your head, call in a very close friend or relative who is wise and mature. Not someone who will say horrible things to compound the issue at hand.



Turn to God. Cry at his feet.
Tell him all. Tell him how you feel. If you are the ‘action woman’ type, tell him what you would have loved to do to this ‘yeye’ dude or what you would love him to do on your behalf.  And leave it there...at his feet.


Analyse.
Don’t shove it aside just like that.  No matter how painful it may be. Check. Where did I go wrong?  Did I see signs that this was coming and ignored?  

If you don’t do this now, it may hunt you again and again in the future. Do the analysis now while it is still fresh.


Pray.
Pray for you. Pray for strength. Well, if you can pray for the buffoon, fine. If you can’t, then pray for the grace to forgive him.

Do not let this crisis go to waste in your life.  Let God take you through a journey. Let this be an opportunity for soul searching. You’ll discover a lot. Learn a lot. You’ll become better.


Do something with the information that was conceived at the place of prayer and meditation. Believe me, you can find purpose and self discovery there.


Forgive.
You seriously need to forgive him. It depends on how soon you want to move on. And I advise that you move on soon enough. That guy is probably on the move already.  He’s moved on with his life- he is going to work, hanging out with his friends and if he was also emotionally hurt, I promise you, he’ll move on emotionally, soon enough. So why waste time? The milk has been spilt. 


 

Move on. Get on with your life.
As per emotionally, move on steadily. Don’t run. Don’t rush.


Get up.
Get some lovely clothes. In short, do a makeover. It will make you feel fresh. You will feel good with yourself. It’s just an outward expression of what’s going on inside. You are better. So, look better, feel better.


Do a course that will help improve you. You know, that has to do with your career or something of interest to you.
Join a club; health clubs, book club, social clubs, whatever.
Go out with your girlfriends – at first.
When you feel you are ready- date jo!


Babes, I tell you,


You would be better than the babe he left a while ago. You would be farther than where he left you. You would be exuding beauty, wisdom, maturity-from the inside out. You would have improved for you. 



Babes, this is the best form of vengeance you could ever get.

Lastly;
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus”- Philipians4:6&7

 

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