He is not my type

“Do you remember when the men walked with Jesus after He had risen from the dead? They didn’t even recognize Him and they were face to face, holding a conversation. It was as if a veil was hiding his identity.  Is your husband veiled by your unrealistic expectations? While you have frantically been looking around for an available gentleman, is it possible that you already know your Knight in Shining Armor? Let’s find out.

What is your type? Tall or short, heavy or thin, intense or playful? Have you ever seen a small group of men gathered together and decided, before one of them even approached you, which one you would be interested in? In the same situation, many of us would have overlooked Jesus:

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him (Isaiah 53:2)

According to the scripture, Jesus was an ordinary looking man. We might not have noticed him in a crowd.  Yet what man could have loved us more?  God could have given Jesus any kind of appearance. He chose, but He did not make him dramatically attractive. It’s clear that outward beauty was not God’s main focus.

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart (1Samuel 16:7)

I can hear your thoughts: “Oh great. She’s trying to tell me that my future husband is going to be unattractive!” No, He may be the most physically handsome man in the world… But if a man’s heart is not right, he becomes an ugly person all too quickly…

Finding the Right Kind of Man

To discount a man because of his outer appearance may cost you your second greatest blessing (the first is Jesus). When I met my husband I was drawn more to his character than his appearance. He was not my usual type. However, after 21years there is no man in the universe more handsome to me than my husband. Love reshapes our vision.

How did we develop our taste for a certain type of man? When did we decide a man had to have a certain kind of look and personality for us to be interested? And, I might add, as we change, so our choice in who we will spend the rest of our life changes also. Let’s study your type. List (in a sheet of paper) everything you want in a husband.

Now go back over that list. Next to everything you can do without write “WDW” (willing to do without). That will leave you with the essentials.  However, there are a couple of points that must be on the list.  First and foremost, is he a man that doesn’t want to break God’s heart?  Notice I didn’t say, “A man that goes to church, studies, and knows the Scriptures.” That’s important, of course.  However, many of the couples we counsel who are seriously considering divorce attend church faithfully and can quote Scripture. True spirituality requires more than that.  When you find a man who is saddened when he disappoints God, you have found a gem. If he doesn’t want to hurt God, he won’t intentionally hurt you, because that would hurt God.

Besides being unwilling to hurt God, he must be a man with a vision. What does he believe God has called him to do with his life? 

Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18 KJV)

That Scripture certainly includes marriages. It is of the utmost importance to know a man’s vision. If he feels God has called him to live in the mountains to work with the indigenous people and you’re afraid of heights, he is probably not destined to be your husband.

We can change the “type” of man we are attracted to. Take the time to really consider the qualities you are looking for in a mate.”

Culled from the book ‘KNIGHTS IN SHINING ARMOR’ by P.B. WILSON.

Also, I have posted below some thoughts I found in another book titled ‘THE RULES’ BY ELLEN FEIN AND SHERRIE SCHNEIDER.  But I have modified them and I used to read to myself to correct some old wrong thinking. You can have it if interests you.