Her Men, her mind – Her MENtality.

Superwoman

Her MEN’tality is usually a product of her childhood experiences. I mean what she has been taught, what she has seen, learnt, discovered or she was probably told. This mind frame, if negative, becomes a strong hold and it definitely needs to be pulled down and out.  Her queer Mentality (wrong ideas about men and marriage) could become more like a curse in her life.

The kind of men she’s been with is also a contributing factor to having this kind of mentality.

She thinks her man (all men) is (are) just like her father figure was, so she is always on guard- always on her toes.  Super woman doesn’t know how to relax. She doesn’t know how to be a partner.   She finds it difficult to take a passive role even once in a while.

Some of us don’t know how to be women to men; we’ve not exactly figured out how to be wives. I mean how to be submissive or dependent and most of the time it’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just that we don’t know how to.  ‘To Submit’ is a familiar phrase but an unfamiliar act.

We’ve watched our mothers ‘woman’ the house. We’ve watched them take care of expenses and take control because our fathers shelve their responsibilities and assumed a passive role in the home. We’ve unconsciously picked up the ‘some men can be incompetent sa’ thinking and we live our lives hence.

That’s why we get into relationships with men who don’t particularly have strong personalities, men who we want to baby around, men who don’t know how to be in charge and even men who may not have a mind of their own. We are only used to a man we can mother.  We find mothering him easy.  

This kind of relationship is usually stressful for the average woman but for us we can manage, we’ve learnt to be super from small. We are not usually attracted to men who are in charge: Men who have learnt to be head of a family from their fathers, men who are willing to care for us, to love us…; men who know how to treat a woman and probably handle her well. Hmm, we find that scary and unattractive no matter how much we like this kind of man. The light in our head go red.  A man who takes charge scares us because he’s something different from what we’ve experienced.  Yes, he is different and new.  He is a different guy other than who we’ve had- our DAD. He is unfamiliar.

Remedial

Acknowledge it if you are like that. Acknowledgment is the beginning of deliverance. It’s good to be strong and independent but not good to be extremely hot-tempered. The ‘tigress’ approach to life is not cute, it’s competitive. It affects our relationships- a lot.  It would eventually taint our marriage if we don’t change.

Remember, you can never be strong by yourself. If you are a Christian woman, understand that the more you tussle with the spirit of God, the more you will be broken and the more pain you’ll feel.  You would continue to lose. Stop trying to venture out on your own. Let the Holy Ghost help you. That’s his job- to be your counselor, helper and advocate.

Understand why you are like that but you have to let go of ‘why’.  Quit the struggle. Quit sprinting from your dad- don’t you realize you keep running into him? 

Be willing to change.  Allow your ‘being’ to form new thought patterns. You can’t pour new wine into old wine skin. You can’t just act different. You need to be a changed woman to exude a different attitude. The origin of your personality is your thinking. Imbibe new thoughts- hence a new you.  For me, I’ve only let the Word and the spirit of God help me. I don’t know an unspiritual way to go about it. I wish I could give some psychological remedy but …don’t know- for now.

Allow a true man in …and let him.  Allow yourself to be taken care of.  For the first time in your life, let yourself be loved. I’m not saying ‘lose your mind and let go’. I’m just saying- share, collect, allow (or preferably ‘permit’)…

And babes:

A man’s place is at the top. He is the head of the home while your place is beside.

You work hand in hand with your man; you can’t always be in control. Your control freakiness is at the displeasure of the man.

Please don’t get me wrong:

Do not throw away your strong personality and fine unusual qualities for anything. I mean throw away the trash and keep the goodies. Keep the doggedness, persistency, strong will, hardworking nature and likes and throw away the pride, stubbornness, competitive nature and likes. Do not let these negative qualities hinder your progress and happiness in life.  Learn to become something else in order to love, to do right and to please others.

Finally,

Learn to relax and enjoy. Love and happiness will find you. He’s not far away.